my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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