I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
