well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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