if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
