i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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