Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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