my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
