You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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