It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
