a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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