It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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