Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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