the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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