Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
