So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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