Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
