Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
