hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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