I'm eating all of the evidence.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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