I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
