they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
As shirtless as possible
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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