So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
