He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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