I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
