i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
