This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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