Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
