I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
