Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
