If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
