I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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