Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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