Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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