Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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