i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
