hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
