After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
