He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
