I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
