Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
