Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
