There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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