He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
