He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
