i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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