Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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