You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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