its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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