No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Drunk is not a location!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
