sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
