I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
