Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize