Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
