508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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