I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
