I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
