when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
