Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
worst night to have a conscience
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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