Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
