apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
