And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
