imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
