If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
