Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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