Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
