Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
