just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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