if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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