Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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