he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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