Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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