i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
