You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
