No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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