Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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