Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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