He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
