The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
